


Silver Clouds With Gray Linings

by ThanksForTheVenom



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 18:31:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2280258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThanksForTheVenom/pseuds/ThanksForTheVenom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky and Tony get together fic featuring everyone avoiding heart-felt conversations, people in therapy, coffeeshop hot chocolate, bot love and snark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first chaptered fic and the longest thing I've ever written. Feel free to offer any words on how it could be improved. I'm always open to criticism.

The day that Bucky met Tony was a Wednesday.

He knew it was a Wednesday because that was one of the things he was repeating to himself, as he sat at the kitchen table in the common rooms of Avenger’s Tower. He Had been transferred there after Sam and Steve had found him, because the best place for a former brainwashed super-assassin was right in the middle of a superhero nesting site.

The Tower was home to some of the only people in the world who could take him down, if he needed to be taken down.

 

It probably should have felt oppressive and stifling but instead it made him feel safe and secure, he knew that Steve would never let him hurt another person again if there was anyway for Steve to prevent it. That didn’t dispel the nightmares, but it kept some of the panic at bay.

 

"Today is Wednesday, September 3rd, 2014. My name is Bucky Barnes. I am in New York and I am safe."

 

Maybe, if he repeated it often enough, he would believe it.

 

He had already noticed Tony, when he stumbled into the kitchen and made desperate grabby hands at the coffee pot. Steve had warned him about Tony’s mad scientist tendencies, which had kept Bucky from meeting Tony. He had been down in his workshop this round for 48 hours straight, and he looked it.

 

He could tell that Tony was trying to keep himself to himself from the way he kept darting glances to his face, his bionic arm, his twitching fingers. Eventually, he lost the battle to his curiosity and turned to face Bucky fully, cradling his coffee like a newborn.

 

"Grounding technique, right?" he asked. "I mean, that’s what my therapist told me to do whenever I woke up from nightmares or started panicking or began building an army of Iron Man suits, which let’s face it, that was actually a good idea. Once again, massive amounts of paranoia saved my life, but she still doesn't think its a good coping mechanism."

 

Steve had also warned Bucky about this, Bucky nodded along as suggested. His coffee was cold but he was still feeling off center and having a monologue to focus on was actually nice.

 

"Anyway! What I was going to tell you is that JARVIS can actually help you with that, if you need him to he can tell you the date, time, place, weather, whatever you want when you wake up. He does that for me, and while it doesn't keep the nightmares away, it does help with the whole afterwards. Sometimes, I can even get back to sleep and boy, do you look like you need more sleep."

 

Bucky cocked an eyebrow, “You trying to tell me I’m not the most handsome man you’ve ever seen?”

 

"Nah, that’s Steve, with his perfect hip-to-waist ratio. The man looks like a Dorito chip, have you ever had those? So bad for you, but they are actually delicious, now with added patriotism."

 

Bucky was actually interested in the idea of the AI reminding him of where he was when he woke up. Usually he just asked Steve, but that resulted in puppy dog eyes and crushing hugs. He always looked so sad when Bucky asked what year it was, were they in Brooklyn in the summer or was this a Russian winter?

Just last week, he had panicked and assumed that both he and Steve had been captured by the Red Room. The whole tower went into lockdown as Bucky attempted to escape. He had caused some damage and felt guilty over it for days, but when Steve had told Tony, apparently, he had just laughed because The Hulk had caused more damage down in the labs the day before. 

 

Even now, Tony didn't look angry at him so Bucky took a leap of faith and held out his phone, “Can you put JARVIS on here so I can ask him whenever? Sometimes, when I’m out doing ‘acclimation’ exercises, I get overwhelmed. Last time Sam found me in an alley behind a dumpster.”

 

Stark winced and took the phone. 

 

"This is the oldest phone I've ever seen, Bucky. I can't put JARVIS in here, the whole thing would combust."

 

Bucky still used the same burner phone he had picked up during those first days in New York City. Steve had offered to switch it out for a newer one, one he could put apps on, but it had made him antsy with the permanency of it. 

This phone he could drop in the trash whenever he needed to, it would be no big loss, and then he could drop out of sight of the world. Having a fancy new phone would be one more tie to this place. Back then, he had been keeping his eyes open for escape routes and armies of enemies, he couldn't afford any ties.

Stark snapped him back into the present by slapping his phone back into his hand.

 

"I may not be able to put JARVIS in there but I can make you a new phone, a better phone."

 

Bucky opened his mouth to protest, but found he was actually excited for the prospect of a new phone. Maybe he could have Steve show him how to put Candy Crush on it. 

 

"Thanks, Stark, I’ll owe you one."

 

Stark waved him off and disappeared back down stairs, like a hurricane here and gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky slammed his fist down onto Steve's shield and felt a pop in the elbow of his metal arm. He couldn't necessarily feel pain in his left arm. There was only a dull echo of pain that they had built into the neural relays so that the Winter soldier would know when the arm needed to be serviced. 

 

He called for a time out and swiped sweaty hair out of his face. He and Steve had been sparring all morning, testing Bucky's control over the Winter Soldier. SHIELD's psych-team had told them that the Winter Soldier would never be truly gone, but it was possible to integrate the Winter Soldier more fully into Bucky's own consciousness, instead of just violent repression that came with the risk of relapse.

 

Even now, he could feel the coldness of another consciousness' attempt to take over and report to his handlers. Bucky didn't have any handlers, not anymore. He pushed back and felt the cold retreat as he gulped down a water bottle.

 

Little things like freely available bottles of water served as a grounding point for him, it was so different from literally any single point in his time as a soldier that he couldn't mistake now for then.

 

During the war, water would become scarce, especially during those long forced marches through the German wilderness, trees towering overhead and the sounds of the men behind him drifting to his where he lay crouched and guarding their flank; and then when they were captured Zola's forces weren't all that forthcoming with food or water, looking at them as merely bodies to experimented on. Dehydrated and starved prisoners were docile prisoners.

His time in the Red Room was spent learning how to fight in the harshest of conditions, water was a precious commodity there as well. 

 

He shook the dark thoughts away and grabbed another bottle of water, reveling in the fact that he no longer had to track and justify it. 

 

"Gonna have to call this off, just fucked up my arm," he called to Steve as he tried to flex his arm. It would go 45 degrees and then stop and stick there. 

 

"Go talk to Tony, he's probably your best bet." Steve had the kind of faith in Tony that he once had for Bucky.

 

Bucky tried to push aside the jealousy, but at one time Steve would talk about Bucky with that same sort of unwavering confidence. Now, he was more likely to talk about Bucky in terms of "days without incident" or "rate of recovery".

 

He swallowed down a sarcastic remark and agreed to see Stark anyway. The Winter Soldier had been trained in basic maintenance for the arm, but this was probably going to amount to minor surgery. Even Bucky could admit that Tony knew his stuff. The phone he had made for Bucky even had Natasha impressed, and she wasn't easily impressed by anything.

 

He headed to the showers and asked JARVIS if Stark was free, but the AI told him that Tony had just passed out after a frenzy of inventing.

"I will inform him, when he wakes, that you were inquiring after him."

 

"Thanks, buddy, you're the best AI a man could ask for."

 

The next morning began with JARVIS reciting Bucky's pertinent facts, and then he added, "Sir will be available to speak with you at approximately 0930 h, which is in half an hour."

 

Bucky grunted his acknowledgement and scrubbed sleepy out of his eyes. He changed and grabbed a cup of coffee before heading down to the workshop. He had only been down here two other times and both times Dummy had tried to steal his arm. 

 

It was possible to remove but it required specialized equipment and not just frantic tugging. The first time had been bad, the Winter Solder had overridden Bucky's controls and nearly murdered the poor bot but luckily Tony had been in the suit at the time and had been able to neutralize him.

The second time went much better, nothing was injured except for Bucky's pride when he had tugged back too hard and fallen on his ass.   
After that, JARVIS sent Dummy to his charging station, as he had promised to do this time.

 

Stark hailed him from across the room, surrounded by blue holographs.

 

"JARVIS said that you needed to talk to me," he said as he manipulated what looked like plans for another quin-jet.

 

Bucky stood there, awkwardly shifting on the balls of his feet. Having to ask for help always seemed to make him extra anxious.

 

"Yeah, my arm is stuck, I can't get it past this point, " he demonstrated with a whir and a pop that had both men wincing, "The servos haven't been rotated in a while so that's probably it, but I can't do it myself."   
He rubbed his hands together, the metal cold against the flesh of his palm, "Steve said that you could probably help me."

 

Tony's face lit up with glee and he practically crackled.

 

"Mr. Barnes, you have just made me the happiest engineer on the planet. Do you know how long I've been wanting to get my hands on you? It's been months, Pepper will be amazed at my self-control."

 

He grabbed Bucky by his right arm, and Bucky swallowed the cold feeling of the Winter Soldier trying to come to the forefront. Tony was an ally, and punching him through a wall would probably ruin that.

 

Tony either didn't notice how close he came to death or he trusted Bucky to not actually kill him. It was the same sort of trust that Stark put in Banner, who scared even Bucky, seeing as how he was still 80% easily smashable fleshy softness.

 

Bucky was pushed into a reclining seat while Tony talked at a mile a minute to JARVIS.

 

"J, do a scan of the arm and toss it into a holo. Bucky, you just sit there and, I dunno, think of England."

 

Bucky closed his eyes to the sound of murmuring and machinery. He slipped off into the deepest and most restful sleep he'd had in ages.  
When he woke, with a stretch and a yawn, Tony was back to the plans for the quin-jet.

 

"Hey, sunshine, welcome back."

 

Bucky stretched again and finally noticed that his arm was back in perfect working order.

 

"Geez, how long was I out for?" 

 

"About three hours, I would have woken you up when I was finished but you just looked so sweet and innocent that I didn't have the heart to disturb you, " he said with a flittering of eyelashes.

 

"Fuck off, Stark," Bucky shot back with a grin. He couldn't say how much he had missed the easy camaraderie of people who trusted him. "Give it to me straight, Doc, will I ever walk on my hands again?"

 

"The good news, is that I was able to find the problem, and you are once again fully operational."

The he dropped the joking tone and leaned into Bucky's space, "The bad news is, is that I don't know for how long. That tech in there is old, Bucky, and the whole thing needs to be stripped and replaced."

He leaned back and Bucky sighed, both missing the nearness and at the decision he had to make.

 

"This could be out of line, but I could do it. If you wanted me to, that is. I'm kinda a genius, you know."

 

Bucky nodded back gravely, "I think anyone who spends more than two minutes with you knows that, Stark."

 

He got up to leave the workshop, "I'll need to think about it, but I got some time before the thing falls apart, right?"

 

"Course, I fixed you up good a proper, and might I say, Mr. Barnes, it was a pleasure servicing you."


	3. Chapter 3

The weeks passed like weeks do and already Bucky could feel the mechanics of his arm degrading. His reflexes felts slower, his fingers couldn't grip as well as they used to. In fact, just yesterday, he had dropped a cup of coffee in Starks workshop. Before he could catch it, it shattered on the floor, sending coffee everywhere in a splash.

 

Thankfully, nothing of Tony's had been ruined and he had just shrugged off Bucky's apology saying that the bots needed the practice. He hadn't said anything about the arm but he kept giving Bucky pretty pointed looks.

 

Bucky knew that he had to decide soon. It was either he let Stark take his arm apart and put it back together or they somehow found a scientist that used to work for the Red Room, if there were any left alive, that is. Bucky had gone on a cleaning spree, after the Battle of the Triskelion. 

 

The next day Bucky was back in the workshop, after Stark had called him and told him to stop hiding.

 

"Listen, Bucky, if I avoided this place everytime I broke something I would never, ever be down here. One day you need to ask Pepper about the particle accelerator I built down here, she didn't talk to me for months after that, " he had left on a voicemail, since Bucky was avoiding his calls from mortification.

 

He had finally sidled in around noon, Stark greeted him with a wave and Dummy perked up and immediately rolled over to him. Stark took the wrench out from between his teeth, "Play fetch with him, he's bored and in my way."

 

Bucky liked it down here. It was always cooler than the rest of the Tower, Dummy always liked to see him, and Stark never treated him like he was about to break into a million fragile pieces.

 

"Look, I understand if you're nervous about me working on your arm, it puts you in a very vulnerable position and we have all that sordid history in our past, but if you don't want me to do it then at least let me help you find someone who can. " Tony hid his eyes behind his tablet.

 

Bucky just turned to him with his forehead crinkled in confusion, "What sordid history are you talking about, Stark? Did you bump you're head earlier?"

 

His eyes widened as a terrible idea crossed his mind, "Wait. Did I seduce you before, when I was the Winter Soldier?"

 

Tony choked on his coffee, "You most certainly did not, and if anyone is a seducer it's me, buddy, don't make me defend my title."

 

Bucky was still confused.

 

A lot of his memories were hidden under the Winter Soldier's block but he thought that meeting Tony Stark would be memorable, even if it had been wiped. He'd been regaining other wiped memories, why not this one?

 

Stark finally got control over his breathing and took a long look at Bucky.

 

"You really don't know, do you?" he asked sadly.

 

Anger immediately pooled in Bucky's stomach, "I don't need your fucking pity, Stark. Fuck off."

 

He stormed out of the workshop, the only place he had thought he was safe from being looked at like some broken thing. Steve looked at him like that, when he thought that Bucky wasn't paying attention, he looked at Bucky like he was waiting for his best friend to come back. Bucky was tired of it. This was who he was now, and he damned sure didn't feel broken.

 

His phone started playing "Iron Man", Bucky shut it off and pulled the battery.

 

He grabbed his coat before walking out the door, half formed plans to go underground already forming in his mind. He stopped at the corner. He didn't want to leave. He liked it here. He had friends here, friends who cared about him.

 

He gritted his teeth against the urge to flee and dug his phone out of his pockets. Popping the battery back in he dialed out. He got a voice mail and left a message.

 

"Clint, if you're free, I could really use a friend."

 

Clint called back within five minutes. "Hey, man, where are you? Tony's been blowing up my phone and you sound awful."

 

Bucky choked back a sob, his emotions were running wild everywhere and if he didn't get himself under control the Winter Soldier would take over. God knows where he would wake up, if that happened. Last time, he'd been half way to Hong Kong before Bucky had taken back the controls, Steve hadn't let him out of his sight for weeks after that.

 

"I just needed to get out, can you get a cup of coffee with me? I don't want to be alone." He sounded pathetic, but at least his therapist would be proud.

 

Clint agreed to meet him at a local hole-in-the-wall cafe.

 

Bucky arrived first and ordered a hot chocolate, hot drinks were good for grounding and he was going to need all the brownie points he could get with his therapist when she heard about this.

 

Clint walked in with Coulson in tow. When Bucky scowled Clint just shrugged, "Look, man, you scared us, Coulson's just here to make sure you're alright and they can call off the watchdogs. He's not even gonna listen to us."

 

True to Clint's words Coulson sat at a booth across the room with Bucky in his eyeline.

 

Clint grabbed his caramel frappuccino look-a-like and sat across from him.

 

Clint and Bucky's friendship was a weird companionship born out of experience with brainwashing and over 100 hours of Call of Duty logged whenever either couldn't sleep.

 

They had never really talked of anything except food and video games but Clint was definitely waiting for Bucky to spill his guts as he calmly sipped his frozen drink.

 

"If you don't want to talk, you don't have to, but you should."

 

With that, the whole story spilled out.

 

"I just hate when people look at me like that, you know, and he never has before. I thought he saw past it." Bucky confessed, squirming with embarrassment He had behaved childishly. "I swore at him, he probably hates me now cause I'm such a jerk."

 

Clint rolled his eyes, interpersonal relations weren't his strong suit.

 

"You know what Tony did as soon as you dropped off the map?"

 

Bucky shook his head, he wasn't even mad about the fact that Tony was tracking him through his phone. Bucky assumed he would.

 

"He called Steve, and told him that he broke you. He was in a panic, thinking he set off the Winter Soldier, with whatever you two were talking about."

 

"No, I was just being a big, stupid head."

 

Clint shook his head, "No, when the only two options you've been given, in the face of confrontation, is to fight or flee it's no wonder that you would revert to that training. I don't blame you. I've been there, just ask Coulson how many times I've run off. Shit, talk to Natasha, she still tries to break fingers during arguments sometimes. You've been dealt a shitty hand, but you can get through it. I know you can, Steve knows you can, Tony knows you can. So what, if you run away a couple times? If anyone has a problem with that, you let me know and I'll give 'em a cognitive recalibration."

Clint stopped with a huff and went back to sipping his drink. Bucky laid his head on the table. He was exhausted. All of the adrenaline of imminent flight had worn off, leaving him tired and just plan worn out, but he had one more thing to do

 

"Okay," he said. "Let's go back to the Tower, I need to talk to Tony."

 

They arrived at the front door of the Tower just as Tony was flinging it open and coming out to meet them. He started patting down Bucky, checking for injuries, as he lead them into the kitchen where Steve and Sam were waiting. The kitchen was neutral territory and it had coffee.

 

"Look, I'm sor-"

 

"I shou-"

 

They both began speaking at the same time. Bucky held up his hand. He needed to get this out before he couldn't.

 

"I shouldn't have cursed at you and stormed off like that. I let my emotions get the better of me. You're my friend and I shouldn't take them out on you," he apologized.

 

"I'm sorry too, you know, for upsetting you. I really thought you knew."

 

Bucky was getting tired of how cryptic his life was, "What don't I know?"

 

Tony glanced at Steve, who was looking very grim. Suddenly, a knot of anxiety gripped Bucky's throat.

 

"Just tell me, okay?"

 

Tony looked down at the ground, "Howard and Maria Stark were my parent's and it has been speculated that the Winter Soldier assassinated them."

 

Bucky's world tilted and went black.


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky managed to avoid Tony for an entire month, but eventually Tony tracked him down in the training room sparring with Steve, his arm had gotten progressively worse and it showed in his fighting. 

 

"We need to talk."

 

Bucky tried to ignore him, so Steve kicked him on his thigh, and gave him a charley horse, so he had to stop. “Punk. I'm going to my therapist that you're using violence to solve arguments and then she's gonna wanna schedule you an appointment too. Just you wait.”

 

"Don’t be a jerk, Bucky, he just wants to talk to you."

Bucky deflated like a balloon and jogged over to where Tony stood with crossed arms.

"Yeah?" he asked, drawling the word as if he hadn't just spent the last hour complaining about never seeing him again to Steve. Steve took it well, he was a very patient man, but even he had his limits and there was only so much best-friend pining after best-friend he could handle.

 

"You've been avoiding me. Why?"

 

Bucky maintained a respectable distance and stared past Tony's head, refusing to make eye contact, “Well, when one man murders another man parents, the first man should probably keep away from the second one.”

 

"Look, can we just go to the workshop, I can’t talk about emotions without cold, hard facts in front of me. Feelings make me itchy."

 

They went down to the workshop in silence the bots were already on their chargers, effectively asleep.

"Oh, good, we won't be fighting in front of the kids." Bucky joked, trying to lighten the mood. He didn't do well with emotions either, generally choosing to mask whatever he was feeling behind jokes and insolence. 

 

He stood in the center of the workshop, trying not to assume a defensive stance.

Tony grabbed a tablet and began speaking, “I found out that the Winter Soldier killed my parents months before Steve and Sam even found you. Natasha leaked SHIELDs files and I had JARVIS cull through them for anything interesting. I was, of course, upset when I found out that it wasn't an accident, but honestly, Bucky, I mourned my father when I was nine.”

 

He dropped the tablet back onto the table and stood close enough to Bucky that Bucky had to look him in the eye.

 

"My father was dead to me before I was a teenager. I was almost forty before I saw him have any sort of feeling for me, and he’d been dead for two decades."

 

"But even if you ignore Howard’s death, what about Maria, you're mother? What about her? I killed her!" Bucky could feel the tears coming but he couldn't stop them, so many dead by his hands. 

 

"I forgive you." Tony shrugged, as if it was that simple.

 

A tear slipped down Bucky's cheek, but he was fighting to maintain composure that he shook.

"You might forgive me, but what if I can't forgive myself?" 

Tony shrugged again. He didn't have any answers. Forgiving himself was something that he had struggled with too after the events in Gulmira. Only time would tell if Bucky could forgive himself. Tony couldn't do it for him, but he could offer him support and comfort.

"Can I hug you, I feel like you need a hug," Tony had once again slipped into his flippant tone. He was already feeling itchy from all the emotions flying around the room.

 

When Bucky nodded, Tony leaned in and gave him a quick hug. He led him to a chair and then clapped for Dummy.

"Dummy, where are those tissues? Where-yes, those, thank you. No. Do not take all of them out. Just hand them to Bucky. Hand them! Don’t throw!" The tissues landed by Bucky’s feet. 

 

As he blew his nose and wiped his eyes, trying not to feel too embarrassed by his tears. His therapist would be pleased, she been telling him that it was okay to cry for weeks now.

Dummy came up to him and placed his claw on Bucky’s shoulder. It was as close to a hug as the bot could get.

 

Tony grinned at him, leaving the past in the past, where it firmly belonged. “You know, my bots love you, and they are basically like my children, and since my children love you -let me know if this is wierd- you should totally go out with me some time.”

 

Bucky laughed at that, only Tony could make him go from crying to laughing in under two minutes and, of course, he did it by asking him out on a date. “Yes, Stark, that’s weird.”

 

Tony cringed, “Back to Stark, are we? I thought we had a connection. A spark.”

 

"How about you ask me again when I'm not an emotional wreck, so in about a million years."

 

Tony brightened, like a million watt bulb. “That wasn't a no.”

 

"No. It was not a no." Bucky grinned back.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day, Bucky was down in the workshop cleaning and oiling his arm. There used to be a time when he only had to do it monthly or if he had gotten into dirt or sand. Now, it seemed like everyday was cleaning day. It wasn't a simple chore but it was one that Bucky could do with his eyes closed. It was kind of a party trick, at this. Thor seemed to be incredibly impressed with the inner workings, remarking over how similar it was to the Asgardian Destroyer. 

Even the metal of the arm no longer shone as it had before. No matter of polishing could make it gleam.

Tony rolled his chair over to Bucky’s and gestured to his left arm. Bucky knew what he was going to say before he even said it.

"What are we going to do about this?"

"I want it off," he finally admitted.

It was something that he had been thinking about for the last week. The arm was the last reminder of his old life, and honestly, he was just done with it. 

"Off? Like off off because we can do that. We can pull the plug on this bad boy right here and right now. Or did you mean off as in removable?"

Tony was already gathering up a variety of tools, but Bucky laid his hand over Tony's fidgeting fingers, "I need to talk to Steve first. I haven't told him anything."

"Why haven't you talked to him?" Tony asked, concerned. As far as he knew, Bucky and Steve talked about everything together. Steve had already given Tony the shovel talk and he and Bucky hadn't even had a first date yet. Granted, Steve's shovel talk consisted of a lot of sad puppy dog eyes, and talk about patriotic duty. 

"I'm scared, to be quite honest." He bite his lip, getting his thoughts into order. This was as much for Tony as it was for himself. He had never before articulated his thoughts about the arm to anyone besides his therapist, and she was paid to listen.

"I'm scared of not having it. I had it for just about seventy years, it's as much a part of me as my other arm, you know?" He rubbed his metal hand against his flesh one, and wondered aloud.

"I don't know what I am if I'm not the Winter Soldier, and I can't be the Winter Soldier without the arm. Without the arm, I'm nothing."

Tony telegraphed his intention to hug him, not wanting to scare him off but needing to engage in some sort of comfort, and Bucky let him. He was still getting used to physical contact, but this was nice. 

"You are not nothing, Bucky Barnes."

Tony held on for a second more and then released him and went back to doing something complicated with a blowtorch. Dummy whirred with excitement where he stood with the fire extinguisher. 

"Don't you dare spray me with that, you menace. I'm almost done with this and I don't want you ruining it, you ruiner."

Tony had already been doused once that day, and everything still smelled faintly of flame retardant foam. 

Bucky turned to leave, "I'm going to go find Steve, and after you can take this damn thing off."

"Can I look inside and figure out how it works? Oh, please, oh, please?"

"Knock yourself out, darling."

As he exited the workshop, he heard Tony turn to Dummy and say, "Did you hear that, Dummy? I'm darling. Not you."

The rest of the conversation trailed off into silence as Bucky made his way into the kitchen. It was the first place that he always looked when he was looking for Steve. Steve was a super soldier with a super sodier's apetite. He was always eating.

Sure enough, rounding the corner, he heard Steve talking to Sam about their latest VA meeting. Steve talked there almost as much as Sam did. 

He waited a respectable distance away, waiting for them to finish their talk. They had told him before that he could interuppt anytime he wanted to, but sometimes, even now, conditioning took over. 

Their talk wound down as they realized that he was waiting for them to finish. 

Steve nodded his head at a chair next to him, "Take a seat, Buck. Why're you looking so grim?"

Bucky swallowed and decided to just leap right into it. He din't know how Steve was going to react, seeing as how the arm was a pretty effective weapon against any enemies and he knew that Steve had been angling to get Bucky a position on the team. 

"I'm getting the arm and it's hardware removed," he stated. "Tony is going to help with the removal of the physical aspect, but I'll probably need to see a brain-doctor to get the wires out of my head."

Steve sat there for a minute, before jumping up and wrapping Bucky up in a crushing hug. "That's great news."

Bucky disentangled himself, so much physical contact in one day was unheard of for him. 

"When's it happening?"

"Well, Tony's waiting for me to finish talking to you and them he's going to take the majority of it off. The rest will have to wait."

Sam held out his hand for Bucky to shake, "Good on you, man. Moving forward. I like it."

Bucky genuinely liked Sam. He was such an easy going guy that it was easy to forget that he had seen his own best friend die right in front of him. Bucky couldn't imagine how that felt and he ached for both him and Steve, that they'd had to go through that was unthinkable. Bucky wasn't jealous of their relationship, at all. Sam could relate to Steve in ways that Bucky never would. 

"Do you mind if Steve and I sit in with you, while he's taking it off?"

Bucky thought it over, on the one hand, he was going to be extremely vulnerable while it was happening and he hated being vulnerable almost as much as he hated crying, and he hated crying with the passion of a thousand suns. On the other hand, Steve and Sam had both seen him in a far worst state then the one he was going to be in. 

They didn't like to talk about those first days, but Bucky knew that it had been hard on them to care for him. The memory was murky and all he could remember was rage. Rage and blood. 

I would love for you guys to be there. Steve can hold my hand, and it'll be just like the good ol days, except that he's not in a hospital dying of pneumonia because he had to rescue a kitten in the thirty degree cold without a jacket on."

Steve grinned, any memory of those days that Bucky could recall was worth smiling about, even if it left Sam in tears from laughing. 

"Of course you were rescuing kitties back then."

They made their way back down to the workshop where Tony had cleared a space for the big event. 

He clapped his hands together and gracefully turned towards them, as if putting on a show. 

"Now! As you can see, this is a chair. That you, Bucky, will sit in. JARVIS will play some relaxing tunes, and I'll get to work. This is all going to be trial and error, amazingly enough this piece of hardware did not come with an instruction manual. Trust me, we checked through four continents of covert intelligence. Nothing. Nada. Zip. No one has ever laid eyes on it before, and if I didn't see it front of my face I would doubt it's existence."

As he spoke, he ushered Bucky into the seat. "Hit it, JARVIS!" 

The soothing sounds of Nocturne by Chopin began. 

"Gross! JARVIS, cut the music. What the hell was that?"

"Sir told me to play something relaxing. I assure you Chopin is rated as some of the most relaxing music in the entire world."

Bucky knew that most of the banter was for his benefit, an attempt to show him that this just business as usual, and that there was nothing to worry about. 

AC/DC began pouring out of the speakers and Tony got to work.

It took two hours to remove and towards the end of it Bucky was gripping Steve's hand with all the force he could muster. Tony had checked in with him to make sure he wanted to continue, but Bucky had given him the go ahead. He wanted it done, and he wanted it done now. A little pain was worth suffering through.

Tony shook out his hands after finally getting the arm off. He laid it reverently on his side table, the one with the built in security system, just in case anyone actually got past the rest of the Tower's security. 

He went back to where Bucky, Steve, and Sam were inspecting what was left of the arm. There was a metal ring imbedded into Bucky's shoulder. It connected to his spinal cord and from there, his brain. Getting that off was going to take a team of specialist and Bucky was aware that even they might not be able to get most of it.

He stood up and promptly fell over, his right side seemed abnormally heavy. Tony caught him and propped him up, "It's going to take you a while to a get a handle of the weight difference, and sparring should probably be put on hold, at least for a while."

Bucky smirked at him, "And here I thought I was going to be sparring with you?"

Steve and Sam decided to take off after that, leaving Tony and Bucky to poke at the shoulder and sling innuendo at each other until morning dawned as clear as ever before.


	6. Chapter 6

The sleeve of Bucky's shirt kept slipping through his fingers. He had been attempting to pin it up for the last hour, but it just kept falling down and Bucky was getting more and more frustrated. He had even googled it, for fucks sake, but the diagrams were useless. 

After the last attempt had failed as he walked out out his bedroom, he just sighed and left it. The empty sleeve swung at his side, like a reminder of how incomplete he was. 

He continued down to the common areas where Sam and Steve were waiting to see Tony and him off on their first date. As he entered the room, Steve beamed with pride. 

"You look all grown up, Bucky, I'm so proud," he pretended to wipe a tear from his eye.

Sam looked at his sleeve and how it was wrinkled.

"I can put that up for you, if you want."

Bucky nodded gratefully, and as he worked, Sam explained how to do it. He'd had plenty of practice from working with disabled vets in the VA. As he talked, a lightbulb went off in Bucky's head, and he finally understood what those diagrams were talking about when they said over and under. It had always been easier for him to learn if he was shown how to do it first, at least that much hadn't changed.

Just as Steve was once again inviting Bucky to the VA meetings, Tony arrived with literal fanfare sounding from the speakers placed around the room.

"I got that idea from Thor, you like? I feel like it perfectly suits my ego, which is pretty massive, I must say."

Bucky saw the chance to make Steve uncomfortable and avoid having to disappoint him by saying another no to the meetings. He still didn't do well in crowds of people, at the best times it was mild anxiety, but at worst it was panic attacks complete with sweaty palms and a pounding heart. Maybe one day he would take Steve up on the offer, but first he had a date to attend.

He turned to Tony, innocently, "Is it just your ego that's massive?"

"Well, I've heard that my tower is pretty impressive too," he answered suggestively. 

Steve's ears went pink and he pushed them out the door. Steve was no blushing virgin but hearing someone talk suggestively to the man he considered a brother wasn't something that he wanted to encourage. Besides, Natasha was waiting for him and Sam upstairs, in their shared bed, and she didn't like to be kept waiting.

They walked out the door and Tony spread his arms as if indicating the entire world, " This is your show, Bucky. What does you're heart desire?"

Bucky had no doubts that that Tony could afford whatever Bucky wished, but at that moment all Bucky wanted was a hot chocolate and maybe a pastry.

He turned them towards the cafe that he had met Clint and Coulson at. Tony shot him a sardonic grin when the barista at the coffee bar greeted him by James. 

"It's kind of a secret identity, okay? It was SHIELD's idea, anyway. After I got the arm removed they figured I was at risk, so they made me a secret identity." 

He struck a pose, "You're looking at James Burnes, accountant extraordinaire."

Tony started howling with laughter, "An accountant? How on Earth did they decide on accountant? Have you been hiding something from me, James Burnes?"

"I'm not as good as you, but I'm pretty good at math." He said, with a shrug. Numbers had never changed over all the years. It was comforting. Tony bumped their shoulders together and started chanting, "One of us, one of us," and he kept it up until he got to the coffee bar.

The barista, Amy, grinned at them. "Good evening, James, what can I do you for tonight?"

"Just my usual, times two, please." He placed his order and tried to usher Tony to a booth on the side.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend, James?" She called out from behind the bar. She liked James even though he was always looked so sad. It was nice to see him smiling for a change.

Tony turned quickly, feigning shock and outrage, "How do you not know me?! I'm famous!"

She just laughed as she stirred the drinks, "I own this place, so I don't get out too much."

Tony leaned against the counter and raised an eyebrow, Bucky had to smother a grin. Tony was pulling out the smolder.

"Too bad I'm all committed right now, or I would take you out." Tony winced, it wasn't his best line, but Bucky was over there smiling and any smile from Bucky was enough to throw him off his game.

Bucky shoved an elbow into his side when it looked like he was going to try another pick-up line. 

Tony grabbed their drinks when they were done, and took a sip. "This is hot chocolate, this is not coffee. We are in a coffee shop and we are not drinking coffee, Bucky," he whined.

"We are indeed drinking hot chocolate in a coffee shop, Tony. You've been awake for the last three days and you need to sleep tonight."

Tony rolled his eyes. Nothing would get in the way of science, not even sleep.

"I was busy, but fine! If I fall asleep in the middle of our date you can't hold me accountable."

Amy watched them banter with a smile, "How long have you two been married, James?"

Bucky coughed and sputtered on his hot chocolate. 

Tony took pity on him and affected an overly dramatic tone, "Alas, Bucky has not yet made me an honest man. He besmirches my honor daily. Avenge me, Amy."

Bucky just looked at him, "We haven't even kissed yet."

Tony straightened up from his dejected droop. His eyes gleamed, " Let's fix that right now, and spare ourselves some awkwardness later."

He spun Bucky into his arms and dipped him low. He pressed a smacking kiss onto Bucky's lips and immediately set him back up right. 

"There. Awkwardness averted."

Bucky could tell that this was going to be the start of something wonderful.

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit me at sink--florida--sink.tumblr.com. I cry over fictional characters and livestream my writing attempts.


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